What's synonymous with off-roading and makes any truck look extra badass? "Bolted-on polished tube nudge bars!" said no one. But apparently that's what makes the Toyota Hilux Dakar "the ultimate Hilux."

This is only a couple notches away from stick-on port-hole vents.

Yes, here in America we're properly jealous that you can get a manual-shift 4WD diesel crew cab Toyota pickup in South Africa. But they're going to get too far with off-road rally fans by tacking on a faux battering bar and spelling out "DAKAR" with fridge-magnet letters on the tailgate.

Just in case it isn't clear, Toyota does not report any unique performance features whatsoever for the Hilux Dakar.

What the hell is even going on with this two-story bumper?

Toyota's General Manager for Marketing in South Africa said, "The Dakar Edition is currently the ultimate Hilux and a fitting tribute to the legendary success of this model, both in the sales charts and in this epic rally."

But of course, he's wrong. I wonder if anybody can show us what they really think is the "ultimate" Hilux? I can think of out of Iceland.

The hood scoop can stay, so can the power plant and drive train. But while tack-on chrome trim might be appropriate on an American luxobarge truck, it makes this Hilux look like a Hot Wheels toy you decided not to buy because it was a little too goofy.