In the comics, Archie spent years trying to decide between Betty and Veronica. Today's Fiero has a V8 Archie's 350 conversion, and your only decision is whether buying it would be a Jughead move.

V8s have ruled the week so far with a 351-powered Cougar stinking up the joint Tuesday, and a Chevy-powered Z bugging you on Wednesday. That claimed to be a Scarab conversion, but lacking an in-person peek up its skirt to confirm that, the narrow 53/47 split on voting reflected its ambiguous provenance. Today's contender comes with no delusions of grandeur, but in their place is another one of those crazy-ass Chevy V8s.

In the insect world, some scarabs are known as dung beetles. Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe 280Z…

The Fiero is a love it or loathe it car. For many, it's the fount of haterade from which they all drink. Others are more charitable towards Pontiac's plastic fantastic, especially when it comes with more than four wheezy cylinders under its hood. Back when it was first introduced, GM forced Pontiac to market the car as a thrifty commuter, and limited it initially to the iron puke four cylinder. Of course getting a Fiero with that turd is like getting a date with Betty only to find that Reggie has already rivered her dale, if you get my drift.

Of course, despite what the marks-a-lot people say, nothing is permanent, and that four banger can be exterminated, all it takes is money. But it's not a call to Orkin that'll get rid of that 92-hp pestilence. No, is the guy to call. Having done Fiero V8 conversions for the past 20 years, the Illinois-based company is pretty much the expert on Fiero re-births. Since first dropping a 327 into his own Fiero back in 1985, Archie has sold more than 2,500 conversion kits, including one to a previous owner of today's They nuked the duke and replaced it with a Chevy small block, which the seller claims is good for 350-bhp. Backing up that monster (which weighs in at just 150 lbs more than the Pontiac four) is a Fiero five speed so those of you allergic to two pedals need not fear it. V8 Archie's installations are clean and well thought out, making this sleeper a step above the typical backyard hootenanny shoehorning effort, and the company is still cranking them out so parts and consultation shouldn't be an issue.

The rest of the car screams I ass-cones the ‘80s with a paint job that's whiter than a klan rally, technicolor tape stripes, and Fiero script on the doors. All that conspires to make the car look like it should come with the entire CD collection. That metrosexual appearance will give you a stealthy advantage in hunting down unwary Camaro, Mustang and Corvette drivers. What you do with them once you've blown their doors off is your own damn business.

Inside it's also Brat Packing the ‘80s, with the kind of styling and ergonomics that speak more to GMs cost cutting prowess than their design acumen. In spite of that it's at least tidy, and unlike most sellers he's cleaned out the dead squirrels and White Castle bags before shooting the pictures. The relatively low mileage - 95K - also plays a factor in the overall nice condition of the car, and that's important in a Fiero as the plastic bodies tend to dissolve over time, and seat fabrics and stitching were known to emulate Mission Impossible tapes in their self destructing aspirations.

The Fiero 2M4 was a timid, tepid, sort of a sports car. This SBC transplant goes a long way in correcting the major flaws of the 2.5 iron duke, and would probably make this Pontiac both a good commuter and an eater of all things mullet-driven. The seller has the car up on both eBay and Craigslist, or if you happen to be in his North Chicago neighborhood, you might be able to drop by and check it out in person. No matter the venue, the price is still $8,995. For that you're getting a Fiero that's in pretty nice shape, and that in itself is becoming more and more rare. You're also getting the V8 Archie kit and a spankin' fresh 350 crate motor. The kit currently goes for $3,995, and a long block fuelie could conceivably run you at least that much as well, so consider here you'd be getting the Fiero for free.

But do all the pieces fit together into a finished puzzle that spells deal? For $8,995 there's damn few alternatives out there packing a mid-mounted V8 for such coin, plus if Archie drove it he'd finally have to shit or get off the pot about the whole Betty/Veronica thing as the Fiero only has room for two. Those points alone might make it worth the price of admission. Of course, that's for you to resolve, and so to that end, would you blow a fiver shy of nine grand for this SBC-powered Fiero? Or, do all the aftermarket mods make it something you're not in the market after?

You decide!

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