I like dirt. I like Porsches. I really like Porsches that hoon in the dirt. Did you know Porsche built a 959 for Group B? Group B, as in the most insane era of rally? For the first time ever, a Group B rally car is going to a public auction. You should buy it—for me. Otherwise, you’re all dead to me.

Fun fact: the 959 was originally going to be designed expressly for Group B domination until the class became more about rally. Porsche wasn’t sure rallying would be the showcase of ultimate road-car technology that they wanted. So, then Porsche made sure the 959 was the most advanced supercar of its era, but not before going rallying with their ludicrously fast all-wheel-drive supercar anyway. Bless you, Porsche. (Now stop messing around and take the Macan to Dakar.)

This 1985 Porsche 959 Paris-Dakar rally car (still in as-raced condition) will be part of the Porsche 70th Anniversary auction at the Porsche Experience Center in Atlanta, hosted by . That auction of 959 chassis No. 010015—one of just three 959 rally cars built to tackle the grueling Paris-Dakar Rally in 1985—will happen on October 27. If you and I still want to be friends, you better be there with ample cash in hand, as RM Sotheby’s expects it to sell for between $3 and 3.4 million.

Three-time Paris-Dakar winner René Metge raced this car as N0. 186 in 1985, back when the rally was really Paris to Dakar and not through a changing collection of South American countries. Sadly, it retired from the race—much like our friendship will be if you fail to acquire this piece of rally history for me. An oil line failure took it out of contention. However, it gave Porsche quality experience with the 959 at the event, as a Porsche 959 went on to win the Paris-Dakar Rally in 1986.

Look, I don’t ask for much in life. I have a summer birthday, so I got used to having no one show up to my birthday party at a young age. Frankly, I’m glad just to be here, posting about the cars. But I need this.

The stupid 18-inch wheels on my daily driver have been bent by central Texas’ garbage roads that are perpetually in a state of partial destruction from “improvements” that will never, ever get done. None of my other two cars are remotely road legal, especially after I removed the headlights from the working one of the two .

This is a Porsche that is meant to handle Africa’s roughest terrain with joy, and rally cars have to to be streetable in order to transit from stage to stage on public roads. That makes this one-of-three historic 959 rally car far more practical than any of the vehicles currently in my possession.

and buy it for me, or we can’t be friends anymore.

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